Some pretty choice Charlie Sheen Meltdown Interview Quotes

I'm not one for starwatching or reveling in others misfortune. I have enough of that to deal with on my own. But I really like Charlie Sheen's recent catastrophic drug fueled meltdown. Here's a few of my favorite quotes pulled by NY Magazine from a recent radio interview.

On his power:
"I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."

On Major League 3:
"It's being directed and written by a genius named David Ward who, I don't know, won the Academy Award at 23 for writing The Sting? [Ed. He was 29.] It was his pen and his vision that created the classic that we know today as Major League. In fact, a lot of people think the movie's called Wild Thing, as they should. Whatever … If they want me in it, it's a smash. If they don't, it's a turd that opens on a tugboat."

On why he should be feared:
"There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."

Wait, what?
"Guys, it's right there in the thing, duh! We work for the Pope, we murder people. We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes."

No, seriously: What?
"If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there's nothing that can be questioned. People say, 'Oh, you'd better work through your resentments.' Yeah, no. I'm gonna hang on to them, and they're gonna fuel my attack. And they're going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they're all around you. Sorry, you thought you were just messing with one dude. Winning."

On Alcoholics Anonymous:
"It's the work of sissies. The only thing I'm addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math … another one of their mottoes is 'Don't be special, be one of us.' Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you! I have a disease? Bullshit! I cured it with my brain, with my mind. I cured it, I'm done … you don't look like you're having a lot of fun. I'm gonna hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here but I sure like the view, Alex!"

On ex-presidents:
"I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy."